I feel like abortions should bother me more
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She told me I should be a condom model.
i drank out of a bidet.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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