Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
