I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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