just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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