I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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