dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
