do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just want to make out with him forever
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
