Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
