Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
