I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
