Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
