he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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