They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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