I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
