I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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