I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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