Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
