if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
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