It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
