I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
