not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
