Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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