he wants to bone in the snuggie
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
