You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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