A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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