I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
