either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
