laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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