I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
