Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
