Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
