What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm jealous of your bromance
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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