I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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