Just fell off a train. Bad.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
