We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she told me i tasted like america
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
