Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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