I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize