i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
