If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
