i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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