White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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