i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
