i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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