I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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