She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
