I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My pussy is not your playground.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
