Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My life is pants optional.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
