I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
