I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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