why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
