i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
