WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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