I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
