i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
