I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
