I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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