i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
