dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
