This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
