Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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