Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
