found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
