people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
