Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
