Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
