I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
