TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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