last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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