Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You left your phone here
Wait...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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