sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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