I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
