someone get that fucking seahorse.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
