You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
