my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
