I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
