how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
