Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize